BMW, I am so breaking up with you

Let me clarify right away: I've never considered myself a car enthusiast. My driving journey has consisted of a hand-me-down Volvo with a hole in the floor and a series of practical vehicles, including a VW Golf and a Mazda SUV that served my family for 12 years. Then, I decided to lease a BMW i4 electric car. What attracted me to the i4 was its design; unlike many electric vehicles, BMWs maintain an understated elegance. I appreciated that they were less common in Northern California, and the i4's wide array of color options, including the appealing 'Brooklyn Gray,' captivated me in a way Tesla's limited palette never could. Initially, my excitement overshadowed the warnings I’d read about early software issues. The thrill of driving my sleek new BMW was exhilarating. However, nearly two years later, I find myself eagerly anticipating the conclusion of my lease, primarily due to the car’s disastrous software performance that makes my old Volvo seem like a model of reliability. Let’s explore how this relationship went off course, starting with the basics: accessing my own vehicle. Numerous times, I’ve stood in parking lots, struggling to unlock the doors with my phone, despite the BMW Digital Key designed for this very purpose. While this may seem trivial, it becomes a hassle when you’re holding groceries and trying to avoid the appearance of attempting to break into your own car. The digital key issues are so prevalent that fellow BMW owners often exchange complex workarounds, which feel more like bomb disposal instructions: "1. Open the BMW app. 2. Sign in with your BMW ID. 3. Place your iPhone in the charging tray. 4. Wait for the digital key to reappear. 5. Authenticate and start the vehicle." The user profile system is another frustrating aspect. I’ve struggled to create guest profiles without being relegated to the lowest priority. This means that if someone else drives my car even once, it automatically connects to their phone and playlists, overriding my settings. BMW's approach to user profiles feels overly complicated, requiring steps that should occur automatically. Moreover, the CarPlay integration ranges from subpar to hazardous. Software updates frequently disrupt CarPlay functionality, necessitating complete reboots of the iDrive infotainment system. One particularly annoying issue involves the reverse camera; when using CarPlay navigation and shifting back to drive, the system often defaults to the home screen instead of returning to directions. The backup camera is virtually useless in low-light conditions, and the screen can become uncomfortably hot. Another vexing feature is the car’s exterior lights. If I forget to lock the car after exiting, I sometimes return to find it glowing in my driveway. Initially, I thought it was user error, but after several incidents, I discovered it’s a “feature” where the i4 enters a “pseudo-sleep mode,” leaving lights and systems running indefinitely. Numerous owners have reported similar experiences, returning to find their vehicles draining battery life. Beyond these frustrations, there are significant safety concerns. The 2022 i4 experienced six recalls in its first year, including one that warned owners of fire risks while parked. Other recalls involved battery control units that could lead to sudden power loss. While BMW provides software updates every few months, these updates often break connected services, resulting in lost access to navigation, weather data, and even the MyBMW app. The over-the-air update process itself is unreliable, with updates frequently stalling and necessitating trips to the dealership for manual installations. This situation is particularly disheartening considering the premium prices associated with the i4, starting at over $50,000 and exceeding $70,000 for well-equipped models. In contrast, owners of less expensive brands like Hyundai and Lexus report seamless connectivity and user experiences. I wanted this relationship to succeed. The i4 is stunning and drives beautifully, embodying my ideal electric vehicle. However, I can’t maintain a connection where basic functions—unlocking doors, connecting my phone, and getting directions—demand extraordinary patience, which I lack. Even my tech-savvy husband, usually quick to blame user error, recently exited the car after a frustrating software glitch, stating he needed to meditate. Car ownership should not be a continual source of stress. I shouldn't have to keep a mental inventory of workarounds for features that should function smoothly. I shouldn’t dread software updates for fear they might disrupt the few working features. So, BMW, I’m done. You crafted a beautiful vehicle but marred it with software so inept it’s almost laughable. I envisioned us cruising into the sunset together, but instead, I’ll be returning my i4 to the dealership when my lease expires. Surprisingly, I can’t wait to be free of it.